Zayn Malik & Taylor Swifts music video is here: sexy or not so much?

The soundtrack for Fifty Shades of Grey ended up being one of the best parts of the movie. They even scored an Oscar nomination with The Weeknds Earned It, which fit the film really well. Producers are likely trying to continue the trend with Fifty Shades Darker, and theyve already released two singles. One is

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The soundtrack for Fifty Shades of Grey ended up being one of the best parts of the movie. They even scored an Oscar nomination with The Weeknd’s “Earned It,” which fit the film really well. Producers are likely trying to continue the trend with Fifty Shades Darker, and they’ve already released two singles. One is Halsey’s “Not Afraid Anymore,” which is a lot better and a lot catchier than it has any right to be. But the mega-collab (insert eyeroll) is Zayn Malik and Taylor Swift’s “I Don’t Want to Live Forever.” The song was released several weeks ago and it easily climbed most of the charts. I personally don’t think the song is the best offering from either of them musically – it feels overproduced, and Taylor seems unnecessary. Like, we know Zayn can sing about sex. So let him sing about sex alone.

Anyway, both Tay and Zayn have been teasing the sh-t out of the release of the music video, and it finally dropped last night. Let’s have some fun with it:

0:05 I actually thought Taylor was going to be the one to get out of the car.

0:27: Zayn is so attractive. I used to not be into him at all, but his beauty has grown on me. I like him better with facial hair too.

0: 36 This hotel looks hella cheap, right? That wall mosaic sucks.

0: 59 All of those lamps in the long-ass front lobby and Zayn is still wandering around in shadows. What’s the wattage on those lamps, man? Are they 20-watt?

1:06: I’m pleased that so far, Taylor hasn’t shown up.

1:23: There she is. You know she’s trying to be sexy because her raincoat hasn’t been put on properly. So unkempt!

1:45: I won’t say anything about her bangs. Honestly, they don’t look so bad here. They’re a good length.

2:00: Are they staying in an en-suite hotel room? Like, they’re sharing a bathroom and then they just go to their separate rooms to sing about how they’re ready to bang their way to an early grave?

2:07 WHY IS THIS VIDEO SO DARK?

2:12 That’s so wasteful, Swifty. That champagne could have gone to an orphan.

2:20 I think Swifty is contractually obligated to play with flowers in every one of her music videos.

2:27: Taylor lounges awkwardly in thigh-high stockings and an exposed bra strap. I’m sorry, but I guffawed. She’s attempting a sultry pose and she looks like a praying mantis at rest.

2:44: Oh, I get it. He ordered a hooker and he’s waiting in the hotel room for the girl to show up (see the hooker pamphlet he tossed aside). Is Taylor the hooker?

2:53. She’s working herself up for the sex. Girl, he’ll pay you even if you don’t enjoy it.

3:00 Oooh, it suddenly got exciting. The hooker didn’t show up so he started smashing things. Meanwhile, Taylor arches her back like a cat on another bed. GIRL YOU ARE IN THE WRONG HOTEL ROOM.

3:14: She has a nice manicure.

3:30 I could honestly watch Taylor awkwardly writhing on the bed all damn day.

3:40 So did she go up a size in implants or what?

3:50 They finally look at each other for the first time and he’s like “your agency said you’d be here an hour ago, I’m not paying for that time. You need to give me a discount.”

4:02 And now she’s sad because she knows he’s not going to give her a tip OR bang her into an early grave.

Basically, this whole thing is very Twihard-y, which fits with the Fifty Shades world. Are we supposed to find this sexy? I find Zayn sexy… but he needs some better lighting. Taylor needs to… try something else, I think.

Coming soon… #idontwannaliveforever#fiftyshadesdarker pic.twitter.com/BVoMeAOQiv

— Taylor Swift (@taylorswift13) January 25, 2017

Cover courtesy of British GQ.


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